I’m not
telling you goodbye. It’s not like we will never see each other again, right? I
can see by the tears streaming down your face that you think so. To you this is
the end. To you I’m leaving and you’re ending up alone. But I’m not. I’m only
giving you space, giving you the tools to grow, to learn and to live. To live a
life that is not dependable of me. To live one of your own and when you will
have achieved that, I will come back.
You look at me with those eyes. Those dark brown eyes, filled with pain, hate
and misunderstanding. Filled with tears and loneliness and fears. Filled with a
ripped image of you and me. I can see
that you try not to cry. You try to show me how strong you are – don’t do that.
I know you’re not strong. I know that deep inside you are a scared little puppy
hiding under the couch, not willing to come out. Not willing to face the world
and fight reality. You’d rather cry and hide, than fight and stand up again.
I’m not judging you, not at all. I understand it. I understand the fear and
that’s why I’m leaving. I’m leaving because thanks to me, you are still hiding
under that couch. I fight your battles. You should fight them yourself. Little
by little get out of that dark space you’re in and step into the light. Don’t
close your eyes, don’t turn away from it. Accept it, embrace it, breath it.
You’re still looking at me. You try to show me how bad I am for leaving you,
how much I hurt you. But it’s not touching me, it’s not making my heart bleed
because I know I am doing the right thing. I tried to explain it to you, I
tried to show it, write it, I tried everything, but you only see what you want
to see. It is absolutely useless to try to explain myself. The only thing I can
do now is pack my bags, put them in my trunk, get in the car and drive away.
When I look in my mirror, I see you fall again. I hope this time, you have
enough strength to get back up. Alone.
Love, Tina.
